The Farthest Dream I Can Remember. Guess Why.

This story happened to me when I was really young, like 3 or 4 years old.

It was a dark night in Mama’s house in Project 8. I was in the garage area, playing, I think. I was wearing this red shirt and jumper which I wore in one picture my family has of myself.

Suddenly, something caught my attention. It was flying from outside the house, towards me. I was all alone at that time. The size of this thing, it was the biggest I’ve ever seen (even up to now that I am 19). It was slowly flying, high enough that it can’t reach me. Of course I’m glad that it will be unable to reach me. It was the size of a car (Think of a typical four-door car, like a Toyota Vios, perhaps. Of course there weren’t any Vioses during this time.).

Car-sized, flying, disgusting. It was a cockroach, the largest of its kind.

Bad news: it was headed towards me and it was getting lower, closer to my height. I started running away from it. I ran, trying to get to the door into the house. I was running as fast as I could. From my eyes, tears were starting to well out. My face was slowly contorting. Fear was distorting it to crying. By this time, everything has turned black: the ground I was running on, the walls surrounding me, the lights, all was pitch black but I can still see my way.

But things just got worse. The cockroach’s legs grabbed me by my right index finger. Pretty soon, I felt my feet were not touching the ground anymore. I was being taken away by this hideous creature. I was being abducted. I looked up at my captor, then back down to the ground. Higher and higher we went, and farther and farther from the house.

The dream ends. And then my young self woke up. From that day on, even up to this day, I fear cockroaches. Don’t even think of playing a joke on me involving these creatures. Seriously.

Missing (part 2)

I like it when people miss me. It gives me the idea that there is someone out there who wants to see me. No, it’s not just an idea. It’s the truth. Someone misses me because the person wants to see me, or be with me, whichever.

And during a time like this, an extended period where chances of seeing each other are low, the ‘missing’ is most likely a two-way thing. He/she misses you, you miss him/her as well. But the Christmas break gets in the way, and so you don’t see each other.

And so you miss each other more. Then you see a tweet, a Facebook status, a photo, a blog entry, a video. Then you visit their Facebook page, their Twitter page, their blog site, just to see what they’re up to.

And you text them. And you tweet them. And you talk to them and realize that nothing beats being with them personally.

And so you miss each other more.

Which can be a good thing.

The saying says “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” The more you miss a person, the more anticipation builds up within. The more you look forward to seeing each other. The more you look forward to being with each other.

And finally the day comes. You see each other after a while. And you talk as if you haven’t in months, or years. And you spend hours with each other. Even if you were just separated for a little over two weeks.

And yes, I’m missing someone right now.

A Music Introvert

I was reading this article about introverts and 10 myths about them. A few statements really caught my attention:

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

While I was reading these two statements, I couldn’t help but compare it with another aspect of my life: music.

People know me as a music lover because of my guitar-playing skills. And because I am known as a music lover, whenever I am around a group of people and I have a guitar in my hands, they expect me to play whatever. “Tugtog ka ng Maroon 5!”, “Tugtog ka ng Imago!”, “Kaya mo bang mag  Moves Like Jagger dyan?”, “Tugtugin mo yung <insert song here>.” These are just some examples of questions that would be thrown at me during these instances.

Sadly, I don’t know that many songs. I barely know how to play much of the popular songs being asked of me to play, most especially the pop(ular) music of today.

So how it this related to introversion?

I am an introvert, but I never thought that can be applied in music as well.

One of the myths stated was that “Introverts don’t like people”, that we value the  friends we have and that we can count the number of close friends we have in one hand. In music, it’s like not knowing many artists.

In relation to that is the idea that we crave an authentic and sincere connection with one person at a time.

When people ask me to play, I can’t play most of what they ask me to. But that doesn’t mean I’m a bad musician. They just simply ask wrongly. I don’t go learning and knowing one or two songs of 50 artists. I’d rather go learning 20 songs per artist, for 5 artists. Like with friendships, I look for a sincere connection with ONE artist at a time.

Ask me to play an Up Dharma Down song and I wouldn’t be able to play one (even if they are popular), but ask me to play an Eraserheads song and I’d be able to play you at least 5 songs.

Introversion is not just a personality thing. It reaches far beyond it, and through musical choices as well. And given the current state of things, I wouldn’t want to change a damn thing about it.

 

MB 118

Christmas was in the air. The room was set up well. Students are exuding good vibes. Even the professor was cheerful. The atmosphere felt light. It was the last day of classes before going on Christmas vacation.

Strangely, I found myself back where I was a year ago, in a class I haven’t had in months: Math 2. I took Math 2 second semester of last school year. And we didn’t have any sort of Christmas party in that class. Yet here I was, in that class, with Sir Adj, with my previous classmates.

And the room we were in was even stranger. Room 118 of the Math building, a room I have not encountered since last year’s first semester. Really weird.

Anyway, the chairs and tables were set up in such a way that the room would be spacious in the middle, with some tables grouped together and placed in front of the blackboard for the food to be placed on. On the table, there were chips, some disposable plates, and three bottles of soda, a regular 1.5-liter Coca Cola standing in the middle.

She was with me, wearing a red dress, as if she was in a formal event. I, on the other hand, don’t remember what I was wearing. I think it was the long-sleeve polo I wore during Kapihan, plus jeans and rubber shoes. Nothing too formal. All the rest, casual clothes. Yes, if I’m not mistaken, we were the best-dressed.

And she’s not even my classmate.

Unlike  in my previous dreams, I couldn’t get close to her for some reason. I tried holding her hand but it seemed like there was a force pushing my hand away. Or maybe it was just me being reluctant to hold her hand. Next, I tried  putting my arm around her shoulder. Same issue. I couldn’t. Something was stopping me.

The party went on. We talked a bit more. It seemed like she was the only one in the room. I didn’t notice the others. I didn’t even know anyone else in the room except for her and my professor.

Suddenly, I was asking her to come with me by pulling her with me. I can’t recall what I was doing, or rather, why I was doing it. I brought her to the front and made her stand in front of the table where the food was. Meanwhile, I was making my way up the table, climbing it because, uh, I don’t really know why. I think I was trying to reach for something. I don’t know.

Or maybe I was gonna dance. Or put on a show.

Then I was back in my room, suddenly awakened, bothered not by the fact that I went on the table in front of everybody and did God-knows-what, but because I was unable to hold her hand and treat her the way I did in the past.

Cool dream, though.